Do you have to be an extrovert to be a good speaker?
Updated: 3 days ago
What 20 years of high-stakes speechwriting taught me about the people who really know how to communicate
By Jana Denker
There is a particular image many of us have when we think of a good speaker.
Confident. Outgoing. Quick on their feet. Comfortable taking up space. Someone who walks into a room and seems perfectly at ease with attention on them.
In other words, someone who looks rather extroverted.
But does being extroverted actually make someone a better speaker?
After 20 years of writing speeches for people in high-stakes positions, I’ve come to a rather different conclusion about what makes someone compelling.
And personality is only a small part of it.
What the best speakers do differently
I’ve worked with people whose words are scrutinised, quoted and often make headlines. Some are naturally charismatic. Others are quiet, thoughtful or reserved.
The most effective aren’t necessarily the ones who enjoy the spotlight.
Here is what I’ve noticed.
They are steady rather than loud
Some speakers fill a room with their energy. Others hold people’s attention with quiet authority. The best don’t need to dominate the room.
They can face resistance, address a difficult audience or deliver an uncomfortable message without losing their composure.
That steadiness becomes particularly powerful when emotions run high.
They can abandon the script without losing their position
A speech is prepared in advance. The room, however, has a life of its own.
The audience may be more sceptical than expected. Something important may have happened just before the speaker takes the stage. The best speakers notice.
They can abandon a carefully prepared passage, respond to what’s happening and find another way in.
They adapt their communication without abandoning what they stand for.
They’re genuinely interested in the people listening
You can tell when someone is mainly interested in getting through their talking points.
And you can tell when someone is genuinely interested in the people in front of them.
Good speakers pay attention to what matters to their audience. They notice reactions and understand that communication doesn’t end when a sentence leaves their mouth.
What matters is also what happens when it reaches someone else.
Communication is a relationship, even when one person is standing at a lectern.
They sound like themselves
Some of the qualities that make a speaker memorable are precisely the things conventional rhetoric training might try to polish away.
A regional dialect. An unusual rhythm. A dry sense of humour.
Of course, clarity matters. Sometimes a habit genuinely gets in the way of being understood. But there’s a difference between developing someone’s abilities and ironing out their personality. The best speakers don’t sound like a professionally trained version of somebody else. They sound like themselves.
They know the value of a sharp question
We often associate authority with having answers. Yet some of the strongest communicators I’ve encountered are remarkably good at asking questions.
They don’t pretend to know everything.
They know when a well-placed question can challenge an assumption, open a conversation or bring something important into focus.
Being a good communicator isn’t simply about expressing your own thoughts.
It’s also about what becomes possible in the exchange.
They understand the emotional temperature of the room
Addressing an enthusiastic audience is very different from speaking to people who are angry, worried or grieving.
The same speaker may need to be energetic and expansive on one occasion, quiet and measured on another.
Someone who brings exactly the same style to every situation may be an entertaining performer. But not necessarily an effective communicator.
The best speakers have range. They respond to the occasion rather than imposing their preferred style on it.
Why our idea of authority is so narrow
Our image of a good public speaker has a history. In Women & Power, classicist Mary Beard traces the association between public speech, authority and masculinity back to ancient Greece and Rome. Some of those assumptions persist.
Women are still expected to be confident but not intimidating, assertive but not aggressive. And our image of a powerful speaker often remains remarkably narrow: charismatic, forceful, commanding.
But authority doesn’t have to look or sound like that.
A thoughtful, measured woman may need to develop her presence, become more comfortable with visibility or learn to hold her position under pressure.
She doesn’t need a new personality.
A good speaker isn’t a personality type
One of the principles I learned studying rhetoric has stayed with me throughout my career: good communication needs to fit.
The speaker matters. The audience matters. So do the subject and the situation.
Extraversion may make certain aspects of public speaking easier. Someone who enjoys social interaction and attention may feel more comfortable in front of an audience.
But comfort in the spotlight and effectiveness in communication are not the same thing.
Nor are introverts automatically better listeners or deeper thinkers.
Neither personality type has a monopoly on good communication.
Your personality is your starting point, not your limitation.
A naturally quiet person can learn to speak with greater energy. Someone who is expressive and quick on their feet can discover the power of slowing down.
And someone who is excellent at reading a room can learn to adapt without giving away their position.
This is how we develop communication range.
But there’s another dimension that traditional communication training often overlooks.
You may know exactly what you want to say and still find yourself doing something different when the pressure rises.
Perhaps you rush through an important point. Or begin qualifying something you were perfectly certain about five minutes earlier.
Under pressure, our nervous system can change what is available to us.
At that point, another speaking technique may not be what you need.
You may need to develop the capacity to remain steady enough to use the intelligence, judgment and communication skills you already possess.
This is why my coaching brings the body into the conversation.
Not simply to help women feel calmer, but to expand what they can actually do when communication matters.
To remain connected to what they know and want, while being responsive to the people in front of them.
You don’t need a new personality to become a better speaker
After 20 years of high-stakes speechwriting, I’ve learned that there are many ways to be compelling.
What matters is the ability to remain steady, genuinely interested in others and responsive to the situation without losing yourself.
And that is something you can develop.
The goal isn’t to become more extroverted. It’s to become a more capable communicator.
Ready to expand your range and build the capacity and skill to fully express yourself?
I would love to support you.
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